One thing ive learned over the years is keep your L's to yourself. Sometimes people you find interesting are not people you can put your emotional burdens on. Ive had many nights when ive cried. I found myself crying due to loneliness, crying due to confusion, crying do to the many pressures of life that I had to face. Even the things that help me relieve pain even had me crying afterwards and I really felt like there was no one to vent to. When i had vented to people i thought cared about me i felt as if they where judging me. Thats when i began to spiral or what i had felt was a spiral down hill. I believe I am a sexual person. Honestly i am one of those people that think sex is something you do.I would go on those little dating apps looking for a hook up or someone just to be with to feel my loniness. I know people asking "Bitch where are your friends?" Sadly i had nun, I had just relocated to a different city all by myself so i had to just figure it out. But those hook ups sadly werent saticfying to me anyway. I had one person i confided my late night adventures with and she honestly didnt approve. She constantly said "Theyre not going to respect you." But who said i was even looking for that. I felt as if they where a convenience to me. When one person didnt come id just call a different one and if i found you constantly busy i got the hint and just left it alone. I worked and then went home and just called them up in the middle of the night for a booty call. Not wanting any attatchments or emotional commitments to anyone. Because one thing i knew id get out of it is just another L. Another opportunity to look stupid or feel stupid and i was not in the business of that. It was dark and cold world out here. But everyone just enjoys a warm body to feel from time to time.
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